Fate, Destiny, or Divine Intervention: A Little TMI About Me!

My life experiences are an open book...I guess you can say anyone connected to the internet has a pretty open book nowadays. Google search your name and all kinds of stuff (fun, not so fun) can come up. If you have read my other blog you know I have been through some very rough patches this last 5 years. That said, I have come out a better person for it.

The best thing that ever happened to me was when I had my daughter in 2010 after a successful IVF cycle. She (and her potential sibs) were created in a lab with the help of amazing science. You see, in layman's terms, my parts are not so good. They didn't want to work how they should.

I'd like to thank the Christianson's of Hendricks, Minnesota for that. Genealogy is my FAVORITE hobby and it gave me lots of interesting tidbits about where I came from. The Christianson's were immigrants from Norway arriving circa 1871, settling first in Iowa, then moving to Minnesota.

 

Christian (center front, and whose name I would have used if I had a boy) was a successful farmer and served as mayor for the town of Hendricks. He and his wife Agnetha (Nettie) had 8 children. Now I don't know whether to blame Christian or Nettie, but out of the 4 girls in the photo, only two were able to have children. Betsy (on the far left) my g-g- grandmother had 4 children, 3 of whom lived, and Christine (on the far right front) had 3. Neither Bertha nor Emma (back row) were able to have children. And poor Peter (center, back row) died at age 20 from Diabetes. In my mind, we're pretty lucky the line continued on.

 

Had I been born then I would have just not had any children (which is fine, when its a choice, not when its chosen for you). Thankfully, due to science, Sierra and some potential sibs were created in a dish in a lab. 2 were implanted and 1 very strong willed child put down her roots and grew.

 

I always planned for another child. Perhaps a Christian, maybe a Sienna. I always wanted Sierra to grow up with siblings, like I had--annoying in your youth, blessings as you age. However, her potential siblings were destroyed in May. The last control my ex could exert: no him, no further kids. It was a very emotional time for me...

 

For the last 2 years or so Sierra has repeatedly asked me to get her a brother or sister. She was pretty sure I just had to go to the doctor and pick one up. With the ever present prodding I started to think about other ways a child could become part of our family, given that the option of a 1-night stand was out of the question. I was lucky enough to meet several adoptive parents and talk to them about their varied experiences. By happenstance, our paths crossed (I like to call it fate).

 

I started to think about the possibility of becoming a foster parent. However, honestly, I was put off by the requirements. A long list of trainings and paperwork and home visits. Don't get me wrong: I understand they have children's' best interest in mind. But when you repeatedly see reports of abused kids, in the foster care system itself, you wonder how well the current system is working. One would think a kindergarten teacher, with expertise in early child development, already back ground checked, might make it to a, "fast track" or something. Maybe get credit for college classes already taken on positive behavioral support instead of 40 hours of classes??

 

So I didn't act. I just waited.

 

I'm not sure what you might call it: fate, destiny, divine intervention, or serendipity, but those happenstances kept on happening. Across my path people working for the system, people fostering, kids in care, would end up on my radar, mostly in my face. And each time I would think, "well isn't that quirky." And each time I would negate it.

 

Today we were at the Goodwill...looking for games for my summer school "kids." Sierra was, as always, perusing the shoe rack...trying on high heels, hoping I would too. We were looking at the kids section when she picked up an obviously too small pair of shoes.

"Aren't they cute mom?" she said. "These could be for my baby sister." At which point I agreed they were indeed adorable but obviously not going to be used any time soon. She gingerly looked at them for a few minutes. I took her picture with them, as I often do for the many things she'd like to buy, but doesn't need, and she put them back.

We started to make our way to the cash register when I ran into a former college acquaintance. She was walking with a little girl, about two, and was looking for a particular toy. We began talking and (what's the chances) she does foster care. The little, sweet, happy child was a foster kiddo. I looked at that sweet girl and decided, "Ok God. I think the 20th time is a charm."

And I jumped in...

Now it may not go anywhere...they might decide a single mom with an incredible past is not the right fit...but who knows. As Sierra's latest (and most incredible--you must read it!!) book says...

"...if you love each other, then you are a family." Families come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. My style just might work for someone.



Random Musings from the Couch: Sleep Deprivation, Allergies, Summer School & Teacher Competition

At 6 am, when squished between two of my loves, there is nowhere else to go but the couch. Rather than continue taking selfies of myself and my adorable, sleeping child, (sometimes your arm isn't quite long enough to hold the phone AND snap the picture without dropping said phone on your face) I decided to come out and clean the dust off my blog. It's been two weeks since my last post, yet it feels like an eternity--a result of participating in the #EdBlogADay challenge. My blog is now ever present and somewhere, looming, in my brain, waiting to resurface when the mood, and writing Gods, strike.

So what am I doing besides moaning the fact that I'm not still in bed, during summer mind you, at 730? For one, scratching my eyes out due to a mild winter which = increased pollen and allergies! Let's just say Benadryl is my best friend right now...as long as I don't take it when I need to be awake...

And I'm fighting some pesky message from blogger that says this c$#%

So, like most folks learning to waste time on a Monday morning (insert Sarcasm here), I'm attempting to get said message to leave without any hope at this point....Don't you love when you follow all their said directions and still it won't leave? I finally realized I could keep X'ing out of the box and do what I wanted anyway...however, like a stalker that just won't go away, it pops up every chance it gets. What's up with that #Google? I would write to someone but real people don't seem to exist in #blogger land.

So with that in mind, where will my whining take me next? Oh Yes, to the land of summer school. After almost a week off I'm headed back for a modified summer school experience. I actually am excited to work some mojo with the kiddos, just wishing I had a few more days off to hone my skills of being in a vegetative state before doing so.

Speaking of my vegetative state, I managed to miss 5 things this week, even with them being posted to my calendar: Sierra's first day of  Jazzerkamp, 2 PD's for Google w/my district, public library summer reading program kick off, and something else I've already forgotten because, forget baby brain, end of year school brain is real and it's deadly to any activity you thought you planned to go to.

Uh-oh, Benadryl is starting to kick in...must...fight...urge...to...sleep....zzzzz.

Have you heard of #mindfulness? It's about being cognizant, or living in the moment. When one gets preoccupied with unhelpful thoughts it's important to think of those thoughts as a misguided puppy and direct them back to the focus at hand. And no, I don't mean my random blog musings, but those things that drive you crazy and you say, "Why didn't I X?" or "Why didn't I say X?" or "Why does X do Y, Z?!?!?" And although you attempt to stop thinking about X, X just keeps popping up over, and over, and over...and, well you get the idea.

I've been thinking about competition in teaching. My favorite quote has always been:

This year I have really tried to embrace it, but in reality, it's a two-way street, right? We can be mindful all day long, but if others are not living by the same motto, that little puppy can easily walk back into the room.

It's natural to want to receive positive reinforcement for what you do in the classroom. Although people in admin positions know this, many times they don't do it enough due to time constraints. When you teach 26, 5 & 6 year olds, ALL DAY LONG, you do want someone to realize what a flippin super hero you really are, because if you can teach and manage 26 kinder kids at once, in between multiple tattle tailing, nose picking, and attempts at attention, you ARE a super hero. Yet tooting your own horn, i.e. bragging, is annoying and shouldn't need to be done.

As summer begins I hope admins the world over get a chance to realize that every teacher in their school has strengths. And that every teacher needs to be recognized. Each means each. Each one individually: not just the braggers, not just the cool kids, or the golden circle that reminds us of high school and let's us know we are not in the popular clique. Everyone. There are not merely 5 leaders in our schools, there are (insert # of teachers in your school here) leaders, all waiting for their chance to shine in their own way. Only when admin leads this way can we quiet the voice in our head that says, "You never get noticed, you never get called on, you never get true recognition, YOU must not be that good."

The Little Things That Mean A Lot

I had a day off today. I should say a day out of the class working elsewhere. I was instead working with other K teachers at my school to run a kindergarten roundup. We had 8-10 soon to be students coming in every half hour running through basic testing in a hopeful attempt to have equality in the classrooms this fall.

I had a sub I never had before. Turned out she had just finished her student teaching and THIS was her very first attempt at subbing. I apologized to her for what she was about to experience. We all know it as, "checking out for summer." The kids, as proven from the previous days this week, had reverted back to pre-cave behavior.

Since I was in the gym I was able to check in periodically on my class and was hopeful when I saw engaged, happy learners. The joy began to seep away when I got a message that X needed to go to the office. I didn't know why, it surely wasn't out of the norm, but really? Couldn't the day continue on the high it was? X, what are you doing out there???

With kids continually filling my chair I had no time to worry so I sat back and enjoyed the ride.

A few hours passed...

All of a sudden a thunderous rumble was heard. When I looked up, the music teacher was in front of me, center of the gym, basically holding back 24 kinders who now more closely resembled a group of rioters rather than my class. Her arms outstretched, her feet staggered, she looked like she was about to be ran over. She mouthed, "it was like this the WHOLE class."

Peeved beyond belief I apologized to the soon to be constituent I left at my station and requested my class join me outside. The majority, sans the few who never do anything, got an earful about respectful behavior and how it equates to the amount of recess one receives. I sounded upset and I meant it.

Respect doesn't end because the weather is warm. It doesn't end because school is almost out. It doesn't end when your teacher is not there. Respect should be ever present.

At the end of the day I went back to the "cave" hesitantly. Was it still standing? Was the note from the sub prefaced by, "I'll never come back?"

On my desk was the note from the substitute, but more importantly, several notes from my friends. Hearts, note cards, great art abound. Two immediately caught my eye.

One was thankful for the eye operation I performed on her Winnie the Pooh on one of my breaks. And the other could be called nothing other than a sign of love for his teacher. His initials and mine were the only written words. Both kids struggled all year with coloring and drawing for various reasons and yet these two samples stood out like original Monet's in my mind.

All of a sudden the mob mentality memories slipped away and in came happiness.

It truly is the little things that matter most. They ground us on the days we ponder our sanity. They remind us what is important. Even in the most utter chaotic time: We love one another.

The Current State of Ed: Walking the Walk on Monday

We voted to walk out on Monday.

It's needed. Very much needed. But also a little scary.

When we voted I almost felt like I was part of the revolutionary period. Although they had much more at stake than a measly walk. Call me Silence Dogood.

Things hung on emotions. People were fired up. People were tired of the lack of movement toward total funding of education. Many, as I, were confused about what we could say and who we could say it too. No one wants to get, "in trouble."

But the state of education is in massive trouble. Like a coronary about to kill us all. On one side of me a teacher who scanned in, and referenced, 65 artifacts for her TPEP. On her own time. On her own dime. And yet it is required in order to continue teaching. On the other side is my student teacher who just accepted her first job. She had to fork out $300 to prove she could teach via a portfolio system ran by a stranger. Again, many hours, late nights, incredible amounts of stress and SHE had to pay for it. In addition to the tests she already paid for--to show her competence on entrance, and exit, of her chosen field of education.

I would ask her, "Are you sure? Are you really sure you want to teach?" Please don't think poorly of me. It's a field I love. I love setting the stage for my students educational experience as their kindergarten teacher, but I don't love how the hoops keep increasing, always a little harder to jump through, in the so called name of competence.

And so we are walking Monday to say, "Hey Washington state legislators: Enough is enough." We expect you to figure out your budget, as so many of us do, and fund your paramount duty to education. We are where it starts. We are the sole stable adult for so many students. We are the rock that they cling to. We are their mentor, their teacher, their friend, and, in reality, a quasi-parent. We have them 7 hours a day, 180 days a year. We have the ability to make a HUGE difference in their life. And you better believe it will impact them the rest of their days.

So fund it. Get on it. Stop making Washington a state on the bottom of every list, and start putting it at the top. Fund smaller class sizes because it's right and it works. And if you don't believe me, come to my class any day of the week and I will prove it to you. Provide equitable funding to all schools so that those in Bellevue AND those in Ellensburg all have 1-1 devices. Where you live shouldn't determine the quality of your education. And for the love of God return teacher pay back where it should be. Our OWN children shouldn't have to be on public assistance because the annual increase never returned, and because the amount given for healthcare is so diminutive that it will not cover a teacher, let alone a child.

And while you are at it, when it comes to teacher legislation and hoops, follow the golden rule: Do Unto Others as You Would Have Done Unto Yourself. I don't see any other government employee uploading 65 pieces of evidence. I don't see any other government employee staying at work until 10 at night writing substitute teacher plans when they have to be gone the next day. I don't see any other government employee paying, out of pocket, to prove their worth. I don't see any other government employee buying glue sticks and tissues (GLUESTICKS AND TISSUES!!!) because it's the end of the school year and we are all out. So why do it to teachers?

I'm all about accountability. I'm very much into purging the few teachers that need to be. I'm not into doing it on my own time that should be spent with my family and with my own money that is needed to live.

Thanks for listening.

Sign me,
Sadly Disillusioned

Day 19: Letting Go at the EOY

This time of year is bittersweet. I've "raised" 24 kiddos this year. Helped them grow from teeny tinies, many of whom didn't recognize their own name, to writers. Helped them grow from yelling, "I don't know how to read" to kiddos competent in knowing several ways to read a book. Helped them grow from leaving the bathroom door open while using it to actually closing the door. Yes...in K we DO see it all.

Bittersweet because now, NOW that I have them trained, I pack them up and send them off to first grade. Why?  (insert heavy sighs here)

As I stand in my class this week I am well aware of the growth that has occurred and the amazingness of kindergarten. I look around at my kiddos with pride when I see them writing for the love of writing. Asking me if they can write more. Asking to share their writing. Asking to help others with their learning. Asking to read books to the class. They have come full circle from being scaffolded, to being the scaffolders.

It is very hard to watch them march off in June, but, in many ways they are not walking off alone...there will always be a piece of me with them. When they stop friends from killing insects, I'm there. When they pick up litter off the ground, I'm there. When they get that stare while reading aloud to the class and say, "I'm waiting" I know just what I sound like, but more importantly, I'm there. As their kindergarten teacher I will always hold a special place in their heart. They will come back to visit, they will shout my name with wild abandon in the cafeteria, they will hug me during summer camps and reading programs. And it will be like it never ended...it just continues.

The Most Important Thing That Happened in My Class This Week: He Gave Me a Hug

It seems odd to say that the most important thing that happened this week was a hug. But it was. I have a little guy in my class who has struggled in many ways this year. He came in low academically: he had no knowledge of his letters or sounds. He struggled socially: he didn't seem to know how to make friends. He struggled with me: he didn't seem to grasp that working hard was mandatory, not optional.

The year went on and he grew in his academics. He grew in his knowledge of how to make friends (nope, you don't have to buy them!). Yet he still struggled with me. It was hard on me. I'm sure him too. I sounded like a broken record, "You can chose to do your work now or at recess. That is your choice." I had realized, as the year went on, that he was capable of much more than he was willing to show. I was committed to being his rock. Someone he would remember for the rest of his life that didn't give up.

As so many times before, and surely to come, this kiddo had a past filled with trauma. His current situation is great, but, just like with us, the past makes us who we are and escape is futile. All we can do is learn from it and move forward. A hard task.

It's mid May. The year is almost done. On Wednesday I was explaining to the students that we only had 20 days left of school... and how much I would miss them. Post morning meeting my little guy came up. "I'm really going to miss you Ms. Foley." And he proceeded to initiate a hug. He has never done that before. I stood in awe. He continued with two more unsolicited hugs that day.

My thought: I did it. I finally bonded to this guy. He knows I care for him and he cares for me. The week couldn't get any better.

#EdBlogADay: 3 Important Things to Remember at the EOY

The end of the (school) year is upon us and I'm in shock. Some people call it result of age: that the years seem to fly by quicker each passing year. I'm in denial about that one...my birthday is fast approaching and I'm pretty sure I'm turning 21 yet again this year. Regardless, we have only 21 days left of the year. A month, yet when counted in only days, it makes even the most experienced teacher shiver...so much to still do, so little time... With that in mind here are three important things to remember about the End of the Year.

1) You are a great teacher and you have done enough.
     Not to say you won't still pack in plenty of learning in the last 21 days, we will, but don't feel like 
     the kids lives depend on it- you've spent a year teaching what was needed.

2) Relationships matter.
    What's most important is to continue letting the kids know that what matters most is them and the
    time left in class will continue to honor that.

3)  Have Fun!
     Life is meant to be lived. Experiences are the best teachers. Take that Field Trip or two. Enjoy a 
     day at the park, a day at the library, whatever gets you out of the class and makes memories with
     your kiddos.

Well that's it! Profound? No. True? Yes. When the craziness of the end of the year starts to freak you out, remember back to your own experience at school. What did your teachers do that you loved?
Whatever that was, do that.